Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Tips for customers

*****Disclaimer*****This is a link to an R-Rated movie. It contains very graphic language and should not be viewed by people under 18 years of age.


Time for me to give back to my friendly customers. Enjoy!

1) The most important rule, the Cardinal rule if you will, is *****DO NOT F*CK WITH PEOPLE WHO HANDLE YOUR FOOD*****. While nothing as drastic as this would ever happen at a real restaurant, it is a warning. Be smart. Just because you do not have as much control over your life as you'd like to, does not mean that you can control and make the people who serve you feel like less than they are. Don't forget that the cute ditsy blonde that is bringing you your salad with lite ranch, is going to school to be a doctor. Just because you make $8.50/hour + benefits does not make you a better person, so don't act like it.

2) Everything from here on out will be a version of rule #1 worded differently. For example, there are 2 reasons that a server remembers a customer. Either they tipped very well, or they tipped very poorly. Sorry to break it to you. As much as you think the waitress was into you by the way she kept your beer and water full, it is her job. Nothing more. Now if you left her $50 on a $30 ticket (Which I've had happen by the way) she will remember every little thing you said. In my case, he was traveling from Iowa to Denver to watch his niece graduate. He had 2 Miller Lites with a NY Strip cooked medium. He doesn't care for soup or salad, because he likes to indulge in dessert; that particular night it was just ice cream with chocolate syrup. Thank you if you are reading this, I owe you my black open-toed stilettos from Baker's.

3) Cell phones are rude. The reason I am asking you if you are ready to order is because I am ready for you to order. I do not want you to think that, but I am at your table ready for a reason. I have a plan! I send in drinks for table 3 while checking back on the steaks from table 5. I just dropped table 8 his check and he is reaching for his card, indicating he is ready to leave. Do you see where you fit into this scheme? You on your phone means that table 3 is waiting for drinks, while table 5 might need their steaks put on longer. Table 8 is checking his watch, because he is trying to make a movie, while you sit and chat with a friend who is too important to call back. It is rude.

4) My name is Amanda. I will be taking care of you tonight. Ok, I will go put that order in for you right away, again MY NAME IS AMANDA, please let me know if you need anything. Know how bad it makes you feel being called sir or ma'am? Well it stings a lot deeper being snapped at, hollered at, or hearing "Excuse me, EXCUSE ME!!!" from across the restaurant. I promise if you at least attempt at my name, say something that begins or ends with an "A", I will respond.




5) Tip accordingly. Nothing is worse than making less than a bad server, when you did a better job. Certain people think that tipping 15% all around makes them a good tipper. Well, would you pay your gardener for doing half your yard work? Would you pay your doctor for a false diagnosis? Serving is no different from serious professions. Do not tip well unless you were satisfied. Do not condone, or promote bad service. If she didn't do well, let her know. If he forgot your salad, forget his 15%. It is an awful feeling doing a great job and not being rewarded accordingly, but it is an even more awful feeling watching someone else make money for a mediocre, or at times, pitiful job.

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